I have a confession.
I’m sick of being a stay at home mom.
There. I said it.
I have been unbelievably lucky to have had the ability to stay home with Alex for the past 17-and-counting months. If I hadn’t had such an amazing support network I would have had to forgo finishing my Smith degree, find a crappy job, and send Alex to a crappy daycare. I would have had to wait, who knows how long, to be able to start a real career. I wouldn’t have been able to finish my last few prerequisites in order to go to nursing school. Truly, this has been a marvelous experience. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
But I am ready for it to be over.
One of the reasons I have become so quiet on my blog is that I have been struggling. Struggling every day with Alex. As much as I love the kid, we are having more bad days than good lately. He is a toddler; full force, screaming, hissy fits, nonstop terror, toddler.
He fights me over everything. He is insisting on his independence, while at the same time still being too young to do most things himself. If these are the terrible twos, I’m horrified for what happens at three.
I am ready to have someone else watch him from 9-5 every day. I am ready to see the smile on his face when he sees me at the end of being away from me all day. I am ready to not be kicked, slapped, scratched and bit multiple times a day. Do you see all of his teeth? They hurt.
I was prepared for some level of terror. I knew that if I was the one with him all day every day, he would act out the most with me. It was natural. And I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, so I was prepared. My desire to be a stay at home was not because I had anything against the idea of having a career, or because I didn’t have any out-of-home related passions, but because I love kids. And I love Alex more than anything in the entire world. But I think he is ready to move on to the next chapter of his life, too.
To make the transition, Alex is now attending a small home day care once a week. Every Tuesday morning, I drop him off at 9 and pick him up at noon. He is with five other children, ranging from one to four in age. He loves it.
When I picked him up today, he said, “Hi, Mama!” with a huge smile on his face. He was thrilled to see me, and I was unbelievably excited to see him. My morning was spent reading blogs and drinking tea (although I should have been studying), and his was spent learning and growing with other children.
We are ready for a new phase.