Sometimes I Think He’s Evil

There are days when I am convinced Alex is evil. That he’s just a little devil child running around my house. On these days I often ask him, “What happened to the sweet little baby? Who are you, and what did you do with the real Alex?”

On these days he screams. He cries. He flails. He hits. He kicks. He bites. He screams some more.

He’s a toddler. Toddlers? Are Evil.

Yesterday evening I was clearly trying to win a Mother Of The Year Award. While Alex and I were getting ready to go pick up Zach from work he decided it was the perfect time to have a melt down. He started screaming “Keys!” as if his life depended on it. At the top of his tiny little lungs he screamed and screamed and screamed. So, I gave him my keys.

Whatever. He wants keys to play with? Why not. He finally learned that he is not allowed to press the buttons that lock/unlock the car, so it was no longer an issue of him making the car beep over and over again.

He had the keys. We had to go. So, I let him hold the keys while I strapped him into his car seat.

And then I remembered, shoot! Laundry!, so I ran the into our laundry room right off of the garage and changed the laundry over.

But then: click.

He locked the car.

Yes, I am a moron. Yes, I am absolutely, undeniably, trying to win Best Mother Of The Year Award by having my son lock himself in the car.

Running back to the car I naively thought, well, maybe he just unlocked the car! But no. He locked it. And then as I knocked on the window asking him to press the little button that unlocks the car? He locked it again. BEEP!

Swearing under my breath, I asked him again to press the little button. I asked him. I told him. I ordered him. I begged him. I even tried bribing him. “Choc-lit?”

Alex laughed. He laughed in my face. Again and again.

Then? He threw the keys. And laughed some more.


Sick of Pictures

Fortunately, Zach saved the day. When I called him and told him that something really, really, awful had happened, he said that the remote starter was in the house. On the remote starter? Lock and unlock buttons.

12 thoughts on “Sometimes I Think He’s Evil

  1. I remember those days. You remind me of that time. My girls know how they would suffer nowadays if they pulled that crap. HA! But they would still do it and laugh at me. I guess children don’t really ever change all that much.

  2. Dude – I would have been so enraged.

    I thankfully have one of those keypad thingies on my door. I will never ever own another car without one of those thingies – I use it ALL the time. When my kid is writhing/stiffening/bellowing? I don’t have to search for keys. I just push the buttons and uncerimoniously dump him in his car seat.

  3. Thank goodness for the remote starter. That would have scared the living daylights out of me, right around the part where he threw the keys. Yikes.

    My mom used to call it our evil twin. Everything evil we ever did was because of our evil twin lol.

  4. Oh my God – this was hilarious (sorry!). You know, it’s a really good thing, I suppose, if you have your house keys and car keys on a separate chain – because that tidbit of info that Zach gave you may not have helped if little Alex had in his hands the keys to both the car and the house!!! LOL.

    I agree with your statement though. Sometimes you just have to wonder which team toddlers are playing for 😉

    One of the freakiest things that Heidi does is this raspy “monster” voice. And she’ll RAAAAWRRRR in your face. It’s cute – but sometimes when she does the “rawr” and the “voice” I look at her straight in the eye and remind her that she was Baptized. 🙂 hehe

  5. Oh dear! I remember when my nephew locked me out of the house when I was babysitting. I was terrified and he stood there laughing at me! He asked me about it the other day and said: I heard you were really mad at me! I was like no I was terrified!

  6. Thank goodness for remote starters! What about an extra set of keys? We have more than one set of keys for our cars. Since they have that little keypad to open the doors, we only carry our own set of keys and leave the others in the house.

  7. LOL!
    This seriously sounds like something that would have happened in our house….I will definately NOT be giving him the keys now..we don’t have remote start….Jeremy is nearing the middle of his second year…and at least he doesn’t bite anymore..

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