This Space

I’ve been blogging to some extent for over fifteen years now. I had a very early LiveJournal, then my own website/blog a few years later, and then, when Alex was about 6 months old, I started this ol’ thing here. Allison Says, because I wanted to say things, and writing things is one way to do that. It was a way to connect with other local moms, of which I knew approximately zero, a way to share with far away friends and family, and maybe most importantly it was a way for me to put my thoughts and feelings out there.

Thoughts and feelings aren’t my forte. Well, thoughts are certainly in my wheelhouse, and feelings usually come with those thoughts, but sharing them? Not so much. At least, not about me. It’s not something I’m proud of, and it’s not something I’m particularly ashamed of. It’s just how I am. If we’re close and you ask me my feelings about something? I will tell you. But the chances of me coming out on my own, without a prompt, are slim to none. Those thoughts and feelings stay where my brain and self think they belong: buried inside.

Playground Fun

But I shared things. I shared our struggle to finish college, which we both did, and then I went and got a second degree. I shared my concern about Alex’s language development. I shared our sleep struggles. I shared when he was finally potty trained (thanks, Zach!). The world knew about me going back to school to get a degree in nursing, when I got my first job, when Alex started Kindergarten. But then the regular business turned into general laziness, and even when I found time to blog I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say. Allison Says not a lot.

Alex is nearly eight years old (::gasp::!) and it’s harder to decide what to write about. How much privacy do we need? Zach and I differ a bit on our opinions on this, with me leaning more towards sharing, oddly enough. So, do I write about my concerns related to Alex’s reading, his dislike of school, his fear of trying new things? Do I share my worry that he’s picked on, and that he has perfectionist tendencies? Or do I just show the good stuff and brag about how awesome our life is? Because it is awesome, regardless of concerns.

Do I continue to try to write and share things that I really mean, events that really hit home for me? Do I go back to writing slightly more polarizing posts that aren’t 100% about Alex? Do I want to share our happiness and our sadness with the world? And if so, which I think I do as I sit here and recap our lives through blogging, how do I do it again? And how do I keep it within what is acceptable for a growing child who has opinions and wants privacy?

How do I continue to use this space? Keep it as is, very rarely posting anything of “value”? Try to give myself the time to actually write something? Try to share more of our lives, both good and bad?

Why I'm a happy mother. Thanks, boys.

This Space has been something for me. It helped me make friends. It helped me stay sane. It shared our lives, however little I put here, with distant relatives. It’s too important to throw away, but it’s been so neglected for so long. Maybe all of this ruminating, this stream of consciousness writing, will set off what I need to make it a more “useful” space. I want to remember these times.

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7 thoughts on “This Space

  1. You know my thoughts on this–I write to remember. So, I write the things I want to remember. Sometimes posts stay in draft because others don’t need to see them, but it works for me. You just have to figure out what works for you.

    BTW, Alex might have thoughts. I was surprised how much Alexis wanted to have input once I started asking her.

    1. I hadn’t actually thought about asking Alex for input. I ask for permission (“Is it okay if I post this picture? Do you mind if I write about this?”), and he even will sometimes say, “PUT THAT ON INSTAGRAM!”, but that’s a good thought to ask him for actual input. Maybe that’ll be my next move to get things flowing again.

      You amaze me with your consistent blogging. I don’t have the desire to do the every day thing, but the fact that you have so many posts that are ABOUT SOMETHING is inspiring.

  2. I’ve struggled with these same feelings over the last year or so. Something about when Maggie turned 6ish, suddenly sharing certain things didn’t feel right anymore. I’m still figuring it out. I rarely make time for blogging anymore, which makes me sad sometimes. I love having a record of things. I like BurghBaby’s idea of the drafts though, for keeping things not for public consumption.

    1. Yes! I think that’s around when I started to feel weird about Alex, too.

      It is sad, isn’t it? I feel like we all used to have this consistent community. I wonder if not commenting is one of the issues. I’m terrible about reading blogs regularly, and even worse about commenting. Maybe we all need to go back to the community and then we will be more inspired.

      Agreed re: drafts. The other thing I find is that if I let myself start writing, it often ends up being about something else entirely.

  3. I hear you, Allison, I’m in the same boat. I’ve tried recently to bring some things up to date on the back end of my blogging software and prepare some things for getting back into more regular posts, but to be honest, I even stepped away from Facebook, Twitter, and all online connections lately as I have just felt overwhelmed with surviving life lately. That’s not to say I’m not enjoying it, because I definitely am, but daily life is so incredibly busy and it’s difficult to set aside time to stay connected to those outside my house when I just want to sit in the quiet of post kid-bedtime with my wife and enjoy her company, whether that is through sharing TV or movies, playing a game together, or whatever.

    I also want to expand on my professional life, skills, and presence, but with the same feelings of being overwhelmed related to that, I just don’t know how to make it happen. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’d love to share more, and get reconnected to all the wonderful friends I made online a few years ago, particularly those parents with kids somewhere around the same age as my kids – I’m terrible at in-person communication, though. I”m much better with the written word. Every so often (once a month? Maybe?) I review stale email accounts that receive copies of blog posts from my friends (like this one) and try to catch up…and though I think many things, I don’t often take the time to type them out. (I need a direct neural interface for blogging purposes. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    In any case, I’d love to read more from you, get more connected, share more of my own life with everyone, and help my kids have a space of their own to share things if they want. Maybe that’s where some of the focus should be – find ways for our kids to share the things they want to create and share. Abby loves to create small books and artwork right now – I bet she’d love to share some of it online. Maybe I should find or write a cartoon-strip style piece of software for her to put up little stories.

    Maybe with this ever-growing comment I should think about just writing a blog post in response and link to it… heh!

    1. Laughing at your very last comment there!

      I completely understand. It can be so hard to share more even though it’s something we want to do. I guess, like anything, it’s all about where we put our priorities. And is blogging a big enough priority? That’s a question I’m definitely trying to answer ๐Ÿ™‚

      LOVE your idea of having Abby share some of the things she’s made. Kids definitely have opinions about what they want to be shared, and I’m sure some of that could be their own art/stories/whatever!

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